you look fine

Almost a year ago, I was pretty severely injured at work. A theatre drop landed on me, pulling my ear from my scalp a bit, perforating my ear drum, and hitting my head. Obviously, in the moment, getting my ear back on was priority #1, and we sort of did that.

Later, I kept having problems that seemed related to the injury, but unrelated to my ear. I asked the doctors on several occasions if it was possible that I had sustained a concussion, and 3 ship doctors told me no, it was not possible, because I didn’t lose consciousness. I was told it was all in my head, put on antidepressants for a short time (that did much more harm than good), and sent to a psychiatrist (who was appalled that 1) I’d been put on antidepressants before being sent to a mental health specialist and 2) that they didn’t immediately send me to a neurologist after a blow to the head). I didn’t have insurance to cover a specialist’s visit unless I was referred by a ship doctor.

Four months later, I did see a specialist who confirmed my suspicions with a concussion diagnosis, and I had to leave the ship.

I get a very minimal exam before I leave, and the doctor explains that he still doesn’t think I have a concussion; he’s seen much worst injuries at home.

His parting words to me were “Well, you look fine.”

I’ve been in physical therapy for 3 months.

So for this piece, everything was leftover; the fabric, the thread, all were from other projects originally. I have this baggie that I put pieces of thread in that I forgot what number they were or they were too short or they were from an old kit that I’ve finished.

thread bag

I did almost none of the background intentionally. I hardly looked at the fabric and I was nearly always distracted doing or watching something else. Whenever I “lost” a thread, I lost it for good, and just left the end where it lay. I never took out any knots, and I never separated individual threads.

219 you look fine

While being “proud” of the finished piece is not really an emotion I’m feeling, it was cathartic. I’m still a bit bitter about everything that happened (and the above is the most abridged version I’ve ever told), but I feel that I released a teeny tiny bit of it with this.

 

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